Wednesday, March 7, 2012

My Story

So I shared this with my MOPS friends but felt compelled to share with you as well. I am in MOPS group in winston for those of you that don't know Mother's of Pre-Schoolers. I tried to speak in front of everyone just about what Mops meant to me and about being a Mom. Of course I didn't get my story out exactly how I wanted! So below is my story.

So I got so emotional on Tuesday about my story, I am not sure I got it out! I so appreciate you letting me try though! I guess sometimes it's hard to admit mommy hood is hard...because it sometimes feels like failure if you say it's Hard! When I left my full time job to stay home with my kids! I was excited and sad! Sad and Scared...leaving what I knew and felt comfortable to something unknown...Leaving my work friends who at times felt like family..I mean I spent more awake hours with them than I did my family! Not only was I going to stay home with my children...I was just becoming adjusted to being a mom of two which was a Huge Change for me! We had just moved to a new neighborhood and my old neighbors were like family! But still I was Happy to be going to be given the opportunity to spend more time with my children! I was so excited...we joined the neighborhood Pool, we had a playground right next door to our house, I was going to have play dates, go to the beach whenever we was going to be great! And don't get me wrong at sometimes it was....however the pool dates were few and far between. We went twice that Summer, and those play dates..let's just say most of my friends were working! The the time we lugged the million things down to keep a toddler and newborn satisfied it was time to come in for a snack and nap and two years later I have still not sat in a Beach chair for more than 5 minutes! By leaving my Full time job, I was and am literally working a full time job on overtime and much harder, with no breaks, no lunch, and usually dinner swallowed whole someday's. I go through Target withdrawals because well taking 2 kids to just not happening, unless I can drive to the one in Kernersville because that one has a Starbucks so I might risk public tantrums and begging for toys if I can get a Grande Cinnamon Dolche Latte. Luckily...I had remembered that my High School friend Jennifer Joeseph (well Powell, but for some reason Jennifer Joseph reminds me of my childhood and I can't stop calling her that) had sent me a Card in the mail for the last two years...I remember it saying "I know you said you might stay home one day, if so please join us"! That Card was my saving grace! It's what I needed to get me through the week! ADULT CONVERSATION....MOMMY's and FOOD!!!! Mommy's who knew what I was going through...either because they had been there or because they were going through it with me. There is not a meeting that goes by that I don't ask a mom, "did this ever happen to you"? Something about hearing a mom say yes, I understand, I have been there and done that, makes me feel okay...Makes me feel as I doing things okay...and maybe I am normal or maybe my kids are! Or maybe they are not!!!! But I feel like it got deeper than that. Before MOPS, I was working until 6, picking my son up from school just trying to get through the nightly routines...and spending as much time with him and my husband as possible in those 2-3 hours a day we would see him between daycare and bedtime! Then I would fall asleep rocking him and my night would be over! I made no time for my bible, no time for prayer! I had plenty of time for it but I didn't make it. I didn't know it! There are several events that really lead me to it, I learned I had so much quiet time for it, driving, washing dishes...I learned to put the kids down for rest time and make time for it! I learned the house was never really going to be clean anyway with a toddler and infant and I could give 20 minutes of my time to the lord because those dust bunnies would be there even if I prayed or not! :-) The dishes will wait...and even if I pick those toys up right now 10 minutes they will be right back out! I found myself writing down books from the devotions each week. A favorite was one that Jennifer read from, The bath tube is overflowing but I feel drained! I need books that I can relate to. Ones that really pull me in and help me understand! Somehow I found the blog (click on this link for a video about the book I can not speak enough about this book! Every chapter I read....I thought...this is did that happen to someone else also...I am normal...We are all normal...its okay that my daughter is strong willed and my son is not! He is not perfect and neither is she. None of us are...and why should I expect my children to be! Why do I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. Is it because I see other moms and THINK they are perfect. Do I think their children are prefect..I have to know that deep down they are not! That she probably struggles just like I do! That parenting is not always easy and I am not alone! That there are good days and bad days...and I am allowed to have a bad day and still be a good mom! This book coupled with MOPS has taught me that! I would recommend this book to any mom! You can relate to every chapter! Each Chapter has a Verse and Prayer to go along with it. I think us as Mother's get so caught up on other Mother's judging us that it can effect our parenting. As a society we judge too much. Everyone does it, some more than others! But why do we as women judge other women or other Mommies! Why do I really care? I have always cared what other thought of me! I have always wanted to impress others! It should not matter as long as I am doing a good job but to me, I have always just wanted others to be proud, to not disappoint, to never fail! I mean who really wants to fail...and who really wants to admit they are failing! But at some point we all fail! It's life! But we learn from it, pray about it, get up and move on! And if any part of you feels like you have never ever must not have Children. My daughter test the waters ever day with me! My son sometimes too, just not as often. Society has this idea of what a perfect child is..shoot...those baby books have a mold of what that perfect child is....he talks at this month, crawls at this month....walks at this month and if your child does not hit that milestone at that exact time you think something is wrong! My son is quiet, funny, could be more of a follower than a leader, sweet as can be, loving, caring, sensitive, did I say Funny! My Daughter is beautiful, strong willed, loving, caring, so funny...strong willed, strong willled and more strong willed! I often judge her and other family members do also. Why is she not like him, he never acted like that. Why do I want her to be something she is not. What is so wrong with who she is. She is She! She is not supposed to be like anyone else. God created her to be her! He created me to be her Mom, He did not create me change her! Yes, maybe she needs me to guide her but not change her. Why do I judge her and why do others judge her! One day that strongwilledness (not sure that is a word) is going to help her! Once she learns how it can help her and how it can hurt her. :-) So one day I was flipping through the book "Don't make me come up there and then there was a chapter called Embracing my Child's strong will! Seriously this mom has the same issues as me! Wow!!! Maybe Caroline is not bad...Maybe it's just her don't get me wrong...Her personality needs a little direction...I am not making excuses for the tantrums she has...however she is only 22 months! So maybe I am little too hard on her though. But I am so excited to know I am not the only one out there with a stongwilled 22 month old little girl! I am glad to know that maybe...just maybe...I am not failing. Even though at times it can feel that way! I am glad to know. It just so happens since I spoke at MOPS I have talked to 5 moms that have little Caroline's and here I thought what I am I doing wrong! Parenting is HARD! It's tough at times! But with all of that the GOOD still ALWAYS out weighs the BAD!! So Basically what I am trying to say I don't sit home all day and eat Bon Bon's and watch Soap Operas or go to the pool everyday in the summer, or even have play dates as much as I want. Staying Home is Hard and I am glad I have found friends, & fellowship to help get me through it! I could not get through it without it. It has truly made me a better person, a better wife, mother and friend. It's made me really think about what's's made me evaluate who I am and what I want. it's helped be to find places to give back to others! it's helped me be more involved in my community. It's helped me find the strength to do what I love and start a business on top of being a Mom!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Long Over Due Updates

Not sure where the time goes these days, I am fortunate enough to be so busy at three very important husband & kids and my JOB. Never really thought I would call the photography thing my job but after shooting well over 40 families this Christmas season.....this photography thing is definitely my job! Some days...or nights were harder and longer than I would have liked but in the end it was worth it! I love doing something I am passionate about and I love having the opportunity to spend extra time with my children! I am so thankful for all that Jacob does for our family that allows me to do what I love and take care of our Children! So the one thing that I have not had the time for like I had with updating my blog...I miss it, I miss having the digital baby book i had with him! I plan to do better in 2012 and I plan on taking a few weeks over Christmas to get a hold of their stats...and funny things they say or do and getting them in their books!


Caroline is 18 months! While she might be strong willed and hard headed, she is the the sweetest thing and most loving of anyone! She does not ever give one kiss, she gives everyone in the room a kiss. Her laugh is contagious! She loves her Brother Ca-She! She speaks more than Crawford did at this Age. Her vocabulary is so good, i have to spell and even sometimes when I spell I swear she knows what I am spelling! I am pretty sure girls just catch on faster than boys and being a second child makes her pick up faster! She has taught me so much! More than anything patience. Crawford loves her unconditionally! He wants to be with her all of the time, and is upset if she is napping! They have so much fun together and it's fun to see them play and chase each other around!  I don't think everyone knows how to deal with her, and I joke a lot about how much harder she is than Crawford...but when I think back to Crawford ....he was not always as perfect as everyone says he was. She is compared to him often! Not sure if comparing is such a good thing! I find myself always telling myself not to compare. There are some many different variables...girls and boys are just different, first and second children are also. Having one is so much easier than two! You don't realize it at the time but two makes like a little more hectic but so much better! I love my little princess, and everything about her that makes her Caroline!


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Crawford is 4 Years old and 3 Months! I can't believe my 4 Year old is growing up so fast! In the last three months he really has grown up! He is so smart, caring, loving and thoughtful...I can't pull over anything on him these days! He is loving school for the most part...some days I think he wants to stay in his PJ's all day but so do i! He is so sweet and loving! His imagination is in full force right now! I love to sneak up on him and see what and who he is pretending he is! He loves all sports, he loves the demon deacons, loves to play a golf video game and said he loves Tiger Woods - he actually told me Tiger woods was the best boy in the entire world....and I am working on changing his mind on that one! Just don't think i can let him be Crawford's role model even if he is good at golf! I about fell over when my sweet innocent boy said that, and I wanted to say "if you only knew"! Crawford says the FUNNIEST things!  I love him to pieces! And Crawford You are the BEST boy in the whole World. ( he tells me I am the best Mommy in the whole world) Such a sweetie!




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These two kiddos have Changed Jacob and my life forever! There is not a day that goes by they do not make me smile or laugh! Even if I am mad, I am usually biting my cheek just not to laugh at something they do! I just want to stand still in time with them! I can't believe how fast the days go by and weeks and years! I am hoping for a year that slows down in 2012! I want to enjoy every minute of my babies in 2012 b/c It will be the last year before Crawford goes to school!


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Monday, October 10, 2011

Catching UP!

I haven't posted in a really long time! It makes me sad my life has gotten so busy! This is my baby book and poor Caroline....I am slacking on all her first on here! Writing on every scrap paper I can find. I hope I don't loose them!

Life has taken drastic changes with two children and my photography business which was once just a tiny little thought to now a full business!

It's the busiest season with everyone wanting Holiday pictures!!!!


I hope to settle down soon and come back updating my blog!


For now here are the Two most important reasons my time is limited!!!

Crawford is 4 going on 16 and Caroline...she thinks she can do anything he can do!



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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Crawford Turns 4

Friday, July 1, 2011

Where Have I been???

Goodness Gracious...I am so behind, not sure if I will ever catch up on this blog!


I am working on these for Crawford. Printing them out Large and framing for his room or playroom and starting them for Caroline as well.


I thought it would be something neat to do, then one day they could be put in a book for him.

While doing this I went through so many pictures. Gosh I can't believe how much he has grown.

On his way out the door tonight with a Jacob he came up to me and said bye sweetie! Bye Sweetie??? I remember the first time he said MaMa....and how my heart melted and now he is calling me sweetie!

Time goes by so fast!!!

I saw this idea on someone's blog, just writing on the picture their favorite things. Can't wait to do Caroline's tomorrow and then send them off to be printed.

Trying to get their stuff organized, pictures etc....

I want them to have memories of their childhood! I want them to see pictures, with this digital age, we just don't print much! I am trying to get better! Making them books, printing pictures to hang on our bare walls!

But life is so busy with 2 it goes by fast and before I know it I have an almost 4 year old and 1 year old! I can't keep the days straight and it seems like the months are flying by! I just want to freeze time for a short while!

Hope to do better blogging, I am so glad i have this blog! It's better than any baby book, I have so much information of the kids on here, favorite things, milestones! It's nice to go back and look at it all!








Caroline's to come tomorrow! I have to get to BED!!!! It's 2AM!!! (the only time I can get anything done)!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Busy Busy Busy

So the Photography thing has me so BUSY but I am about to get back on track!!!!

Stay tuned for Caroline 1 Year update which was over a month ago!

I leave you with the sweet song and video I love!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Strawberry Patch

It was our 2nd Annual trip to the Strawberry Patch! We went right after Caroline was born last year! That was nice but it was much better this time!

Caroline wanted to Eat them all and Crawford could not pick them fast enough!

He was such a good helper!

We even had Casey and Coleman with us this time!

We had a great time!

We have all be under the weather with a terrible cold, and I have been busy taking pictures!

I have so many updated included Caroline's 1 year Check-up. So stay tuned!



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